“We need to work on communication.”
Often couples will open their session with this statement. It seems on the surface to be a real problem. But it takes only a few brief questions to open the door to what underlies a problem with “communication”. Most couples get the day to day stuff done; practical scheduling, planning about the kids, etc Often the breakdown in communication is about specific things. Maybe a major problem or hurt from the past that whenever you try to talk about it things get tense and difficult. So you let it go, weeks and months become years and the problem becomes something that just isn’t talked about. But it stands in the way of intimacy.
One of the skills you learn in couples counseling with Dean is the ability to speak and listen in a new way. You’ll be guided through this skill step by step, practice it in the office and work on the issues that come up in session. We have a great deal to learn from and about each other in an intimate relationship. True intimacy is the ability to be honest with one another. To be able to say anything and feel safe and respected by the other. In developing true intimacy we need to be able to talk about anything without resentment or anger. Learn to do this with your partner and grow in closeness and love.
"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult task of all ... the work for which all other work is but preparation"
Rainer Maria Rilke